Does This Make Me Look Too Trashy?
October 24, 2005 - 12:36 p.m.
So, there’s this chick named Melinda in the bowling league. I’ve always thought she was a superficial vanity case, but lately I’m thinking there’s something more going on.
Prior to this season, Melinda’s vanity seemed to be limited to fake nails (VERY fake looking fake nails) and dyed blonde hair. An acceptable level of vanity, in my opinion. Unfortunately, I’ve never known her to have a conversation that involved anything other than makeup or clothing. One time last year, she and Colleen went on for what seemed like hours on the topic of body lotion. I also get the distinct feeling that she is one of those women who would rather DIE than gain five pounds. And really, does anyone need to reapply her lipstick throughout the course of the evening when she is bowling? It ain’t a black tie affair, hon, just a bowling alley. Who are you trying to impress? The guys? Um, you’re married, and your husband is in the league.
Whatever. Be like that. I guess it doesn’t matter. What concerns me, however, is that Melinda has two young children, and I always wonder how much of a priority they are. Yes, I know it’s important to be good to yourself, but in the case of Melinda and others like her, I have to question the importance of oneself over one’s own children. Not to mention, what kind of message is she sending her daughter?
So why am I carrying on? Well, it seems that over the summer, ME-linda has kicked up the vanity a notch or two. Or three. Hundred.
She has grown her hair long (or is that extensions?) and dyed it an unnatural looking blonde. (It was dyed a more natural shade before.) Yeah, not a big deal, but I go on…
Fake tan. Melinda is too fair to have naturally obtained such a deep, even, allover tan. Also, when she wears her XS baby tees, you can see her armpit tan lines. Dead giveaway.
Rhinestone nose piercing. Ick. At 30, I think she is too old for it. Personally, I do not find nose piercings appealing or attractive. All I can think is how gross it must be when you have a head cold.
And finally, the kicker: boob job. She freely told a number of people about it (even before getting it), as if it were something as routine as an allergy shot. So tacky.
Fake nails, fake tan, fake hair, fake boobs, fake, fake, fake. Add to that the too small baby tees, visible thong, nose piercing, and the long, dangly earrings that remind me of the disco sluts, and it hits me:
Melinda is trying to get into the porn industry.
What else could it be? All that’s missing is the clear, plastic fuckme heels, and we all know you aren’t allowed to bowl in those.
“Bowling Alley Bimbos,” starring Melinda Mellons. “Need your balls polished, big guy?”
Autumn
The Trilogy Begins - August 02, 2007
Autumn Has Left the Building - July 19, 2007
The Nail - June 04, 2007
Ungolding - June 01, 2007
Bollocks - May 29, 2007