The Winter Vacation
January 12, 2006 - 10:02 a.m.
I lied to a friend. Well, it wasn�t a lie exactly. More like an excuse. A partially bogus excuse.
I told Kelly I couldn�t go on vacation with her this winter.
It all started back in September when Kelly asked if I wanted to go on a tropical vacation this winter. I told her I didn�t really have the extra money, but Kelly went on. She already knew exactly what she wanted to do, where she wanted to go. She wanted to go to the Caribbean and stay at an all-inclusive resort. She wanted to go somewhere warm in the dead of winter and not have to worry about spending any more money once she got there. I suggested a cruise might be less expensive, and she point blank told me she did not want to go on a cruise. Kelly kept on, despite my lack of enthusiasm. In her mind, she had it all planned out. Kelly does that. It wasn�t really so much a suggestion to go somewhere together as it was Kelly deciding what she wanted to do and then finding someone to do it with her. That approach doesn�t wash with me. Instead of, �Hey, how about going somewhere warm this winter?� and tossing ideas back and forth, Kelly makes her plans and is then completely unwilling to alter them. Instead of, �Let�s plan a night to go out for dinner after work,� it�s, �Want to go to the Cheesecake Factory tonight?� If I said I didn�t like the Cheesecake Factory, then the invite would be revoked without giving consideration to a different restaurant. It seems selfish, like it�s more about the restaurant than the company of a friend.
My other friends aren�t like this. We decide to go out, we each make suggestions, and then we mutually agree on something. This doesn�t happen with Kelly.
Also, Kelly does not easily take no for an answer, whether it�s a vacation or invitation to dinner. Too often, she will call the day she wants to do something and then can�t accept that it may be inconvenient for me. No matter what my reason may be to turn her down, she always has a comeback. If I want to spend the day doing yard work, don�t expect me to drop it just because you want to go to the mall or wherever. Don�t tell me I can have it done by noon and still have time to accommodate you. Don�t tell me I�m not too tired and that even though you�re tired, you still want to go somewhere. Don�t tell me it�s wrong to want to stay in for the night. Learn to take no for an answer, even if it�s not what you want to hear. I don�t appreciate pressure tactics. I don�t do that to people. I ask, you say no, life goes on. I respect my friends� wishes.
Anyway, back to the vacation. I never said I would definitely go. At best, I said something along the lines of �I might be interested� or �I�d be willing to look into it.� I could see that Kelly took that as a go. I mentioned several times that I didn�t really have that kind of money to burn. Kelly responded that she didn�t have it either but that she simply wanted to do this. Bully for her. I didn�t like her suggestion that I just charge it like she was going to do. First, financially, I don�t live that way. If it�s not a life necessity and I can�t pay for it, then I do without. If I want it, I save for it. I don�t do debt. Second, I don�t appreciate someone telling me to slap a couple of thousand on my credit card. It�s impolite.
I probed to find out why Kelly was dead set on an all-inclusive if all she was interested in was going somewhere warm. Kelly, who in my opinion doesn�t manage money well, wanted to pay for a vacation and not have to worry about having any additional expenses on the trip, such as drinks on a cruise ship. Oy. I�ve never been to an all-inclusive resort, but from what I�ve read and heard, you need to spend top dollar or else run the risk of crappy accommodations, crappy service, crappy food, crappy drinks, crappy beach, crap, crap, crap. Kelly was set on an �inexpensive� all-inclusive. This is why I suggested a cruise (not that I�ve been on a cruise either). How often do you hear someone complain about the food, beverages, or service on a cruise? And I know there are some good deals out there. Kelly just wasn�t having it. It was her way or no way.
I was also concerned about Kelly�s explicit desire to go somewhere warm and go to the beach and read and have cocktails. Sure, I could do that for a day, or for parts of several days, but not for an entire week. I prefer activity. I would want to go snorkeling, go kayaking, see any sights to be seen, do stuff. And while I wouldn�t mind doing any of those things alone (assuming Kelly would not want to do them), I suppose she would think I was ditching her, and she�d be resentful. Would that be so wicked of me? You want to read, so read. I�m antsy, so I�m doing something. Everyone ought to be happy, right?
I remained noncommittal. Granted, I probably wouldn�t hate going on �her� vacation, but was it really how I wanted to spend my vacation dollars, dollars that I don�t really have?
Months passed, and there was no further mention of Kelly�s Vacation. Fine by me.
The other day, I received an email. �Let�s go out for drinks after work tonight and plan our vacation destination.�
Huh?
I had been leaning towards going on Kelly�s Vacation, but then I thought about it some more. I�m not saying I don�t want to go because it�s not a cruise, and I suggested cruise, but I�m irked by Kelly�s unwillingness to consider other options. And then there�s that twenty pounds I gained during my mother�s illness and recovery. I wasn�t eating right, and I was too exhausted to go to the gym during the day. Everyone kept telling me to remember to take care of myself, and I know it makes sense, but all I could think during that time was that I had to be there for my mother, be with her, and take care of everything that needed taking care of. Things like eating right and exercising were not my priority. Unfortunately, most of that twenty is still with me, and the thought of walking around in a bathing suit is disconcerting, to say the least. I know I shouldn�t be so self-conscious, but I am, very much so. I know Kelly (and anyone else) would say not to worry about it, that I look fine, and just go and have fun, but I can�t just shake those feelings so easily. Believe me, I wish I could. And Kelly, who is about half a foot taller than I am, is a size 4, no lie. I really don�t need to spend a vacation feeling bad about myself. Of course, I know better than to plead that case to Kelly. She has always thought me beautiful. She�d point out that my straight hair would look good, and hers would frizz, that I would tan like crazy, and she would burn in less than ten minutes without SPF 8,000. But that doesn�t mean we wouldn�t look like Laurel and Hardy.
So I came up with an excuse. It�s a truthful excuse, it�s a plausible excuse, but it�s not the real excuse.
I have to redo my bathroom. It�s my own fault. I procrastinate like stupid -- even when termites are chowing down on my house. So, after dropping $1,000 to get rid of the little fuckers, I now have to replace the floor, floor covering, corner shower unit, and a section of wainscoting.
It�s a good reason to forgo a vacation, isn�t it? I�d say a stable bathroom floor and shower are more critical than some fun in the sun. Am I expected to be able to afford a new bathroom and a Caribbean vacation in the span of a few months?
Of course, if I really wanted to go on Kelly�s Vacation, I could do it, but Kelly doesn�t need to know that. I have a good out, and I�m using it. Besides, I never said I definitely would go.
I agreed to meet Kelly after work yesterday for drinks. I thought it would be better to tell her face-to-face than by email that I wouldn�t be vacationing with her this winter. When I returned from lunch yesterday, there was another email from Kelly. She had to work late and could we reschedule for next week to plan our vacation destination.
I just couldn�t let it drag on to another week. I emailed back to her that I apologetically could not go on vacation due to the expense of the bathroom redo. I even tried to soften the blow. After two years of near misses, Sandy, Suzanne, and I are once again considering a girls� weekend at this place. Strongly considering, as in, this year it may finally happen. Hell, $215 for two nights� stay, all meals included? And it�s BYOB, so no big bar tabs? And a saintly salad bar and a sinners� sundae bar? Hell, yeah. I included some of the pertinent info in my email and asked Kelly if she would be interested. If she declines, I will not push her. I will respect her decision.
I sent the email just after 2:30. No response as yet. I think it�s safe to say she�s pissed.
I feel bad if she�s upset, but considering I never really agreed to the vacation, I had no part in planning the vacation, and I can�t easily afford the vacation, I think I did the right thing. Maybe it was selfish of me (I don�t think so), but am I supposed to throw down a few thousand bucks in the name of friendship?
No doubt, she thinks I ruined her vacation, but if what she wants to do is sit at the beach and read all day, then why do I even need to be there? In other words, if she wants that vacation so badly, couldn�t she just go by herself? (Yeah, I know, she wouldn�t have someone to split the cost of the room with.)
Nevertheless, why must I be responsible for her happiness?
Autumn
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Autumn Has Left the Building - July 19, 2007
The Nail - June 04, 2007
Ungolding - June 01, 2007
Bollocks - May 29, 2007