Bowling with Bimbos
February 08, 2006 - 3:09 p.m.
A while back, I wrote about the trashy transformation of bowling league member Melinda. It�s all here � the overly bleached hair, the gaudy fake nails, the fake orangey tan, the rhinestone nose stud, and, of course, the boob job.
I concluded that Melinda must be readying herself to break into the world of sleaze and disease that is the adult film industry. Witty, however, made a good point about Melinda feeling insecure about her age and her looks and her ability to keep her husband interested in her.
Well, the Pamelazation continues. Did you notice something glaringly missing from the list of Trashy Broad Accessories above? Yup, that�s right � a tattoo. In particular, one of them there lower back scrolly design tattoos.
Ass antlers.
That�s what I�m talking about. When I arrived at the bowling alley last Friday, one of the first things I got to see was Melinda bent over, showing off the latest in her trashformation to none other than dear, sweet, 70-something-year old Everett.
You know, I think Everett would have enjoyed the peep show down into the pants of a much younger woman a whole lot more if the tattoo hadn�t been there. I�m just guessing that guys Everett�s age, unless they�re bikers, don�t find tattoos on women to be very appealing. And, really, Melinda is not an unattractive woman, if she would leave well enough alone. She is tallish, slender, and has long legs. If anything, she should consider a nose job � she does have a bit of a beak. But no, instead she gets it pierced, drawing more attention to it. Go figure.
As for the tattoo, I thought the design looked kind of shaky. Of course, I�m no expert. Maybe they all start out looking that way (though I doubt it). Maybe it was my own eyesight trying to protect me from the whole tacky scene. Also, the placement looked kind of high, but perhaps that�s because Melinda was wearing ultra, ultra low rise jeans. (Always appropriate for bowling, by the way.)
So, in Melinda�s dishonor, I have swiped a Dead Milkmen song, changed its political incorrectness, and made it more relevant hereto. (Camper Van Beethoven�s �Take the Skinheads Bowling,� though a more obvious choice, wasn�t quite as amusing.)
�Takin� Bimbos to the Lanes�
It�s a boring day � I�ve got nothing to gain
Except to get a load of bimbos and drive �em to the lanes
Oh, oh, oh, takin� bimbos to the lanes [x2]
Load �em on a bus just for laughs
Down a winding road, stepping on the gas
Down a winding road, just daydreaming
Down a winding road with the bimbos screaming
Oh, oh, oh, takin� bimbos to the lanes [x2]
One of them blowing a big spit bubble
Slam on the brakes at the first sign of trouble
Head-on collision, bodies everywhere
Head-on collision, bimbos beware
Oh, oh, oh, takin� bimbos to the lanes [x2]
Yes, I do agree with Witty�s assessment, and I�m more certain than ever that Melinda has a pair of clear acrylic platform sandals at home, by the bed. It�s only a matter of time until she shows up at the alley wearing them.
Autumn
Trick or Treat - November 02, 2007
Autumn Has Left the Building - July 19, 2007
The Nail - June 04, 2007
Ungolding - June 01, 2007
Bollocks - May 29, 2007