White Noise
July 06, 2006 - 11:08 a.m.
Totally amazing fireworks.
Heading back home from Cambridge following the 2006 Somnambulist vs. Autumn Bowl-Off, I realized I could probably make it in time to see the fireworks by the water. (More about the Bowl-Off another time; this one�s about the fireworks. Briefly, Steve won � again.)
Technically, I made it in time to see the fireworks. If I had been about 30 or 40 minutes earlier, it would have been perfect. I got stuck in fireworks traffic and ultimately met up with a closed street. Normally, I would have left my house early enough to drive straight through. I�ve never even seen closed streets before. I parked who-knows-where and walked the remaining half mile plus.
Within ten minutes of arriving at the waterfront, I started looking around and thought I must have missed the �This Section Reserved for White Trash Only� signs and the velvet rope rusted chain link fence cordoning off the area, because I clearly was standing in the middle of White Trash World � undisciplined children and their foul parents, all behaving with no consideration for anyone else in the vicinity. I had to get away from the too-loud squawking, muscle shirts, and extinguishing of cigarettes on the ground.
I moved away, but just a little bit, because I knew the fireworks would begin at any minute. It was no better, really, and I could feel myself starting to seethe from bitter annoyance. White trash morons as far as the eyes could see, as far as the ears could hear. How did this happen? How did I get stuck here? I considered giving up and leaving, fearful that my demeanor would not improve.
The first firework went off, and at least four dogs started barking. Yeah, great idea. Let�s bring the barking, pooping animals to the fireworks.
And then
the people sitting near me
committed the most offensive,
horrific
act of all:
They cranked up LIONEL RICHIE on their boombox.
Are you kidding me? Who on Earth blasts Lionel Richie during fireworks?!
I was in Hell.
But didn�t this entry start with �Totally amazing fireworks?�
Yes. Enter Stephen Jobs and Maynard James Keenan to save the day.
For no sensible reason, I had my iPod with me. The intent was to bring it for my personal amusement while waiting for the display to start. After getting stuck in traffic and parking my car on Whatever Street, I knew that there would be little to no waiting time, and yet I brought the iPod. For no sensible reason.
I tuned in and adjusted the volume to drown out the surrounding trash. My ears were filled only with Tool�s latest, 10,000 Days (purchased two days earlier), and the exploding fireworks.
Perfection.
Maynard totally kicked Lionel Richie�s sorry ass clear out of my aura.
The music was so well suited to the fireworks. Absolutely ethereal. I suppose the only thing that could have made it better was if I were a stoned Stoner Chick. Pass the bong, dude!
I kept skipping back to the first two songs, �Vicarious� and �Jambi;� the next couple weren�t as fitting.
Then, at about the 5:30 mark in �Vicarious� (the start of the crescendo/climax), the fireworks finale commenced. I still can�t believe the timing on that one. Orgasmic.
Coolest fireworks experience ever. Thank you, my iPod � Now with White Trash Noise Eliminator.
Autumn
Trick or Treat - November 02, 2007
Autumn Has Left the Building - July 19, 2007
The Nail - June 04, 2007
Ungolding - June 01, 2007
Bollocks - May 29, 2007