Bend Me, Shape Me
April 11, 2006 - 2:37 p.m.
My back has been killing me for the past few months. It�s my lower back, center and a little to the right. Fortunately, it is muscle pain and not a disc problem, so relief is possible. I suffered a few years ago, it went away, and now it�s back with a vengeance. Owwee! It starts to hurt if I stand for more than ten minutes. Sometimes it keeps me up at night, which really sucks out loud. I mean, if lying down doesn�t help, I�m totally fucked, right?
I�ve been doing my daily stretches and ab exercises. (Strong abs = strong back.) Still, I�m in near constant pain.
One of my biggest concerns with this bum back is how the hell am I going to be able to do any yard work this summer? The mere thought of cleaning out the flowerbeds makes me wince. Ooh, if only I could afford weekly massages.
Hey, dummy, the answer might be right in front of you.
Yup, I�m a dumbass. Hey, me, you know that woman, Linda, who gives chair massages at the gym every Tuesday for $1/minute for however long you like? The one who some of the other people at the gym get 10- to 20-minute massages from? Yeah, her.
SHE GIVES MASSAGES. FOR A DOLLAR A MINUTE. FOR HOWEVER LONG YOU LIKE. IDIOT.
Duh.
DUH!
So I signed up for a 15-minute massage. Last Tuesday was my first chair massage. For those not familiar, the chair resembles a piece of gym equipment and looks like this:
It�s a clothes-on massage, so no worries for the folks who feel weird about skin-to-skin contact with the same gender or with the opposite gender, whichever weirds you out.
I should point out, by the way, that this was my first ever massage, aside from the hand/foot massages that accompany manicures/pedicures.
I sat in the chair and let my body go limp and relaxed as instructed and let Linda do her thing. Yowee! Hurts so good, for sure. Linda paid extra attention to my lower back, and I fully expected there to be bruises by the time she was done. Hmmm, if only I could train Rory the Kneader (a/k/a Rory the Hand Licker) to use more pressure and work just my lower back. My own personal MassageCat. That would rock.
Back, shoulders, hips, neck, arms, hands, and back again. When my fifteen minutes was up, I got out of the chair all relax-y to the point of feeling boneless. Picture Jell-o taking a walk. That�s how I felt when I left the gym.
Of course, I know it will take more than one 15-minute session to loosen that big muscle knot. I figured to keep it up for a couple of months and then reassess. Well, a funny thing happened Friday night. A lovely thing. Driving home from bowling, I noticed that my back didn�t hurt as much as it had on recent Friday nights post-bowling. It still hurt, mind you, but not so excruciatingly. Joy!
I�m signed up for a ten-minute massage tonight. I don�t need my arms and hands massaged, and I�m not so sure about the neck massage. I suppose it�s good to keep your neck muscles loose, but it felt like she was doing a Vulcan nerve pinch on me. Pull your hair back � let me see those ears!
Anyway, I�m optimistic for continued improvement, ten dollars and ten minutes at a time.
Unless I can come up with a way to bring my MassageCat idea to fruition�
Autumn
Trick or Treat - November 02, 2007
Autumn Has Left the Building - July 19, 2007
The Nail - June 04, 2007
Ungolding - June 01, 2007
Bollocks - May 29, 2007